Love is a powerful word. It brings joy, heartache, fear, and peace. We search for it high and low longing for just a pure taste of it in our lifetime. Most of will find some form of love but rarely will unconditional love be found. We put stipulations on our love because we know how powerful it is, and we are not sure if they can handle it. Heck, we are not sure if we can handle it. So we try to control it. Growing up I experienced conditional love constantly, and I felt loved if I did certain things a certain way. The words I love you did not get used till we were older and had all moved out. As terrible as this sounds it is a common occurrence in households every day. Where the conditional love is most prominent is in loving ourselves. We hold our own feet to the fire with judgment and guilt. This idea that we have to be or act a certain way for us to love us. One of the biggest obstacles I am overcoming in my life is the condition for love that I am not worthy of my love because I acted a certain way. My judge sits in my mind and tells me every day tells me everything I did wrong and why I can not have the love I want because I will not be able to handle it. I remember a few years back I was getting ready to go to the hospital for surgery. I had not talked to my then partner (my now husband) about what was fully going on. He knew I had surgery, and that was about it. So he asked me about it, I commented back well you can drive me there and drop me off. When I am in recovery, I will give you a call to pick me up. It was then that my husband in his awesome wisdom pointed out how incredibly stupid that was. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had decided that I was not worth the love for him to support me at the hospital. I look back now, and I am thankful he was there, it was not a pleasant recovery.
What I learned from this event was that conditional love is not healthy love. I was wrapped up in the idea that I was not able to have his unconditional love because I could not have that love for myself. I often say that the time you fire your internal judge is the day you are truly free. On my road to healing, I have learned that I have to fire repeatedly my internal judge to allow myself to experience unconditional love for me. Don’t get me wrong loving unconditionally is difficult we have many programs and false truths to overcome to experience it. The biggest lesson learned for me is that; to love unconditionally is not just a way of thinking it is a way of life, and it starts from within.
P.S. An excellent way to start on the path of unconditional love of self is to start being honest with you, taking action, and investing in yourself.
Jeremy Crumb is a Certified Holistic manifestation life coach through the Holistic Manifestation coach academy. Based in West Palm Beach Florida, he is the co-founder of Spirit Empowerment and creator of the Breaking the Cycles Coaching Program.